I lead a life of innuendo. You may be thinking, “Of course she does, she writes erotica.” You may even be inspired to insert a yellow emoji, such as this – 🙄 (my personal favorite). But I’m actually referring to a more innocuous definition of innuendo. “Suggestions.”
And while I may be stretching this word outside of its normal use, I’m ok with that. Because personally, I’m beginning to think that all remarks are allusive hints suggesting something more, thus innuendos. More generally speaking, from the proper perspective, people are likely all innuendos. As everything we think, say, and do is suggestive of some deep underlying meaning. Often that meaning is allusive even to ourselves. And let’s face it, many of our thoughts are disparaging.
You should be getting a good picture of my approach to innuendo. Perhaps a bit literal, but as you can see innuendos aren’t all about sex. Well, at least for right now.
Innuendo Faux Pas
Universal Suggestion Box
Perhaps we should look at the mind as a Universal suggestion box. Because not understanding that all of our thoughts and words are innuendos/suggestions can backfire. Which is why we need to focus on something. Have a goal. Because the Universe doesn’t interpret your innuendos. It simply pays attention to even the most vague details you consider and serves them right back to you.
How to Confuse the Universal Consciousness
Just kidding. There is no confusing the Universal Consciousness. It is never confused. We are.
The example I’m about to share of my personal Universal innuendo felt right when I said it. So right I even felt my heart soar just a bit as I embraced it! I had no idea that this globally used statement is actually an innuendo and again, the Universe doesn’t interpret. My “prayer” was in fact answered. Not quite as I had expected, but I asked for it.
I have a vague recollection of saying “I want to experience it all! I want to live life to the fullest!” The only hiccup was, I didn’t realize that “it all” needed to be qualified as “it all in goodness” and “living life to the fullest” actually included both highs AND lows. And so, unbeknownst to me, I set out to quite literally experience it all…good and bad, happy and sad.
True, this could be said for everyone. But philosophically speaking, one could argue that there are very few who haven’t uttered this very statement.
I suppose the underlying suggestion (aka: innuendo) here is the age-old famous saying, “be careful what you wish for.” Because you will get your wish. So be specific when talking to yourself, your friends, your pets, whomever.
And while we’re at it, we should probably sit down and listen to our higher selves. Because that’s where the power behind all of your innuendos lies. What you’ll find when you start poking around your subconscious may surprise you.
A Worrisome Innuendo
While consciously uncovering that I’m codependent (now “recovering”), subconsciously I’ve actually just swapped my need for control externally to needing total control over myself. Which leads to something else I’m really good at…worry.
My brain can be fucking exhausting. Because I just can’t stop myself from following a thought down an infinite, one way spiral. But while it can sometimes leave me confused and exasperated, I always learn something grand. And I have recently learned that my outward need to release control has turned inward. I have been hyper focusing on controlling all things “me.” And the innuendo I’m speaking to the Universe is simple. “Worry more.”
As ridiculous as it seems to cause myself to worry, the truth is, I’m really good at it. It’s all I’ve ever known. Worried about my parents, worried about my actions, worried about my security, worried about my career, health, pets, lovers…do I really need to go on?
My Personal Worry Formula
My personal worry innuendo formula is fascinatingly bizarre, exhausting, and totally pointless…now that I’m looking at it objectively.
Innuendo = A series of “what if’s” that I know will never happen…because I worried about them.
You may notice that my formula contradicts what many people say about how the Universe brings you what you worry about. The hitch to my formula is that way down deep I trust something more. I trust the tiny seed of knowing that if I worry, I’ve considered all angles and made the necessary controls so it won’t happen.
A good example here is – If I want to be healthy I would worry about not being healthy so therefore I would be healthy.
It makes absolutely no sense to me either. But I think it has to do with the strength of the conviction (and control) which overriding a negative provides.
So, while I’ve always done this, I’m unboxing my subconscious more and more these days. Which is probably why it’s coming into my awareness. It does give me pause, though. I need to consider that the effort I’m putting into releasing the outward control which comes with codependency is forcing the need inside. Which is my subconscious’s way of silently restoring the cycle. So while I’m not experiencing the need for control on the outside, I am experiencing it on the inside. Therefore, I know that the need for control will eventually manifest in my outward reality again. It’s just how it works. The Hermetic Principal of Correspondence is constant.
I’ve always had a knack for overthinking things. So how do I begin to free myself from worry? How do I relearn my speech of innuendo to the Universe? What would be a better innuendo imprint upon my mind? The answer is another one of those “it’s so simple it’s hard.” The answer is, “Surrender.” But how?
The Path to Unworry
I realized a few things this morning. First, since realizing I’m a codependent “fixer,” I’ve begun to make changes to how I interact with the people I’m always trying to fix. What I just realized is that I’ve simply switched from trying to fix them, to finding things to worry about so I can fix myself. And not in a healthy way. In an obsessive, hyper-focussed way.
I also realized that if I am to stop worrying I must change something about my day-to-day.
Life as We Now Know It
We have all been cooped up, in some fashion, for months. And it has changed us, whether we want to believe it or not. What’s weird is, I haven’t really “worried” about the virus. I’ve always taken the position that it will run its course and all will work out for the best. Which shows me that I don’t really worry about the external world. I have faith in those bigger things I can’t control. No, I prefer my worry up close and personal. My family, my dog, close friends, me (in some way or another). And it’s exhausting.
I realized that if I am to face this demon I must submit to the same surrender I employ for the bigger world. In order to accomplish this, I must change my habits. I must adjust my behavior and I must expose my brain to something new. Which will give The Law of Correspondence (above) something new to internalize.
The New Formula of Innuendo
Our brains are full of innuendos we don’t even realize are influencing our worlds. So I propose the new formula to replace that old worrisome one.
Change the outer = Change the inner = Refreshed Innuendo
Believe me, it’s easier to change actions instead of thoughts. So let your new actions show your mind something different. That way the change is natural and you never have to worry about accomplishing it. It will just happen, seemingly like magic.
It’s time to rearrange and re-emerge.
Literotica & My Twin Flame
There’s new literotica coming and, as promised, it will contain a resolution of the release of my twin flame. For those of you who read The Pemberley Estate Series, I will admit that my twin flame will make an appearance in my upcoming short story, and not in the best way.
Recently he took a passive aggressive stab at me publicly, which is out of character. But while he claims he isn’t “looking back,” the very nature of the action says that he is. I’m flattered…not really. But he’s clearly looking to ease his pain through public proclamations. And while I didn’t see the need to respond directly, I may have stepped up the artistic license and innuendo I had already penned in my upcoming story.
While I try to remain on the non-dramatic high road, the perk of being a writer means I get to wordsmith an artful response. And while his 300 “friends” see his mind, and the 28 “likes” agree with the shallow platitude he shared, all of you plus my readers on Amazon from around the world (who are much more profound individuals) will get to read mine. And I think the innuendo will be rather clear.
I’ll let you know when it’s published. Until then, you can get caught up on the exploits of Mr. Darcy.