I have come to realize that my codependence knows no bounds. It is in every aspect that is me. Even the corners of my mind are codependent. I am literally codependent to my *effing* CORE. Hear me out really quick and see if you see this. Because I’ve been working within an illusion for way too long and it’s high time I rearrange these neural pathways.
Illusion of Control
I had a chat with my darkness the other night. This meditation was most helpful in facilitating the conversation. Anyway, I learned that this darkness we’ve been chatting about, the shadow, is not trying to scare you or be your enemy. It’s actually trying to show you what could happen. It’s informative, not necessarily fateful. But people (me) often focus on these “coulds” as the most likely potential outcome. Stoked by fear, but in good faith, we try to take the advice of the “masters” and think the right thoughts. We try so hard to wrestle and replace those worrisome “coulds,” only to have them keep popping up and inevitably manifesting in our outward reality. Which fulfills the “worst case scenario.” Fight this battle enough and eventually, we come to believe that mind power is an illusion.
But mind power is not an illusion. Control is the illusion. It’s just too simplistic to say that we can override our thoughts with other, better thoughts. Maybe some people can. But I’m willing to wager that there are many more who would say they’ve tried and failed. Tell me, how many times have you tried to replace a thought only to have the negative one come beaming through even stronger? The idea that we can “override” our minds is an illusion. But we can understand our minds. And that’s where we dissolve the illusion and begin to make real changes in our lives.
While I’m a little over thirty days into my realization of my codependence, I’m beginning to see that this shit is deep. Deep in me. And while I may also be under the illusion of making big strides in becoming “un-codependent,” I can see that there’s a metric shit-ton of work to be done.
The Shadow Isn’t an Illusion
Remember when I said that codependent tendencies, while good intentioned, actually drive people away? Well, the same goes for thoughts. So now that we know that trying to control for some perceived negativity in our shadow actually pushes positivity away, it’s time we figure out what the shadow actually wants from us. Because it holds almost all of our attention.
Not to say that this is true for everyone, but I’m beginning to see that the shadow side of us really just wants to be acknowledged. It is one side of the spectrum that is you. But yet we all want to ignore it (social media), run from it, and even bury it with words and thoughts we borrow from its very own light. The truth is, the shadow just wants us to be considerate of it. That’s all. Just acknowledge it as part of the infinite possibilities in this world and stop condemning it. Quite frankly, I’m feeling a little insulted on behalf of my shadow. Which is why it keeps dragging us back. It just wants to be heard.
Illusion of Life
Because we are living in fear of our shadow, we go through life scared and reactive. Afraid that if we come face-to-face with our shadow it will devour us and we will never get out. This is how our experience of life becomes an illusion. Because we are neglecting a very big part of ourselves. We need to understand that forsaking our darkness does not mean we are always standing in the light.
The first step to lifting the veil of illusion is to acknowledge that the darkness isn’t our enemy. If I may be so bold, our shadows are our friends. Allies trying to enhance our awareness of all possibilities so we can see the full picture before we choose our most desirable outcome. Because weighing the opposite of the darkness is better than glamorizing the light.
Think about the consideration which would go into acknowledging the darkness and considering its opposite. Because this is where there are real, actionable steps that can be defined and taken toward achieving a goal. If you first take the path through the darkness, the light you seek will actually come in the form of illuminating a path toward a goal you have legitimately considered, instead of just shining a narrow beam of light on unconsidered wishes and hopes.
Illusion of Coincidence
Oh sure. Every now and then we catch a glimpse of the light without much perceived effort. We get something we truly wanted and we say, “it’s a miracle.” We appreciate the illusion of coincidence more because we just know that the “other shoe will fall.” And we’ll get mired down in the same old routine of running from our shadows. And hoping that “maybe someday” we’ll get lucky again and stumble back into the light.
Of course the other shoe is going to fall! It has to fall. Just look at the Hermetic Principle of Rhythm.
We want the flow to last forever, but we disregard the polarity of it all. Where there is darkness, there must be light and where there is light there must be darkness. It’s how we manage the darkness as the pendulum swings which results in the real mastery of life, if there is such a thing.
Finding Your Groove in the Darkness
When we’re in the darkness, we simply need to groove to the rhythm knowing that the light isn’t too far off. And that means acknowledging the darkness’s place and presence. Appreciate what it wants to show us, and consider it now. Then imagine the opposite, which is the light. This is the inspired creativity which lives within the darkness. The proverbial, “light at the end of the tunnel.” But as I mentioned, it’s not a tunnel, it’s a spectrum and the light is ever present. They are not independent of one another, they work together.
The spectrum is showing us what will lead us to creating the life we desire. Keeping perspective of the darkness’s role within the light is the inspiration to stay focussed on the goal. But it’s the feelings we get while contemplating the light is what makes the pendulum seem to swing quicker.
Metaphors Not Illusions
Do not try to replace your negative thoughts. Clear your mind and speak to your thoughts. Ask them what they’re trying to tell you and listen to the underlying message. Because the darkness speaks in metaphors. It is showing you possibilities through a story. And that story holds a message. It is the beginning of what you are to create. So look deeper. Turn it upside down and backwards. Gain a new perspective so you may give proper consideration to the path which you’d like to have revealed.
The Mind is a Garden Metaphor
This just occurred to me. What if the darkness is the soil where seeds of possibilities are planted? Everything is possible in the darkness. Good, bad, happy, sad. You know this and you are considerate of all of it. And you choose which thoughts are best to nurture the darkness. You do not neglect any thought, good or bad. You accept them as equals and put the energy into the outcome which best suits your vision. And so the seed’s journey to the light has begun.
Intentionally Seeking the Darkness
If you are to find the underlying message in the darkness, you must first discard all illusions about what the darkness truly is. You don’t even need to be brave to do this. You just need to be curious enough to try and influence your life the way you see fit. Because if we can find love for the darkness, love for its egoistic ways through understanding that it is only trying to defend and protect us, despite its antics being a bit uninspiring, we can learn to work within the patterns of light and dark within us. Which will undoubtedly lead us to intentionally living our best life.
Relinquishing control and nurturing consideration for the countless possibilities is an exercise in faith. And it’s quite beautiful. Darkness always precedes light, and light always precedes darkness. Until we understand their respective places, we will never truly understand the illusion we have created with our emotions. We will keep reacting from the darkness, unable to lift our heads to see that the light has been on this whole time.