Mending a Broken Heart (and mind)
While exploring this new view of life, I often think about thoughts. Thoughts can break our hearts and break our minds. So what do we do? We try to stay “focussed on the positive.” Which basically means we seek to override our broken thoughts with victorious emotions. But what if that simply doesn’t work? And your thoughts are just as broken as they ever were. Well, I think I’ve found a perspective that may help.
Indulge me, if you will, in a brief metaphor.
While some like to think of the body as a vessel for a soul, I have come to realize that all that I am is in (and of) the mind. And it turns out the mind is the finest crystal glass. We fill it with thoughts. Thoughts that are either clear and inspiring like the buttery loveliness of champagne or black and tarry with pain and regret. We fill it, we spill it, we empty it. We may even crack it. And when the timing is just right, and equally completely wrong, we shatter it.
You may have guessed that I feel as though my mind has been irrevocably shattered by the thunder created by the opposing forces of who I was and who I am. And with any good fortune, this will occur many times in life. But despite achieving this pivotal moment of rebirth, I still find myself struggling with thoughts. Thoughts of how things were, thoughts of how (I think) things should be, and lofty thoughts of the grandeur life can hold. All which leave me unsure of how to feel. And in the end, it’s all about how you feel about your thoughts which will influence how you experience life.
To make matters worse, the only thoughts that feel right are the old, familiar ones. The ones I wanted to be rid of in the first place.
Mending Thoughts and Hearts
True to life’s quirky form, just when I had wrestled these thoughts into oblivion and finally just gave up trying to understand anything, it hit me. After reconciling so many things in my life, from silly frustrations about social media to finally putting down a couple of very heavy emotional albatrosses I’ve been carrying, the thoughts about how I should be feeling right now have created yet another unexpected result. Dissonance. The dissonance between the emotions I’ve been having and the notion of emotional victory I think I should be experiencing at this point.
Clearly I need to gain some perspective. Because, the truth is, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. I think we all expect to magically feel better when we reach a stage of acceptance. We expect the sky to be a bit bluer and the sun to be a bit brighter. Sometimes this is true. But I’ve found that those times can often be fleeting. The thing which really makes a change stick is time…and perspective…and logic…and consideration. Consideration for all that brought you to this point and consideration for where you are looking to go next.
Consider the Thoughts
It seems that I’ve failed to realize that in order to successfully carry out the final stages of mending a broken mind (or broken heart), I must first consider what a victorious emotion may feel like. Because we truly can’t experience what we don’t know exists.
And that’s exactly it. It’s about being considerate of the possibilities which can now be realized through this new version of yourself. This is where the emotional victory lies. Because at this point, if you don’t pay attention to what you can feel, instead of what you are feeling, you will remain in a state of flux. And prolong the perceived stagnation.
It doesn’t take much to accomplish, either. With just a splash of self awareness you can see where your thoughts are leading you. And from there you can determine what emotions you can expect if you remain focussed on those thoughts. This is where you can make a change. If you don’t like where your thoughts are sending you emotionally, you know you must begin to guide your thoughts to a place where emotional victory awaits.
If you are considerate of your thoughts and the emotional possibilities they hold, you will become, more frequently, considerate of yourself. Which will lead you to be more considerate of others. Which is how you make a positive impact on the world.
Thoughts on This Thought
So the perspective I spoke of in the very first paragraph is actually quite simple. We just need to give ourselves permission to look objectively at our thoughts and not beat ourselves up for not having the emotions we think we should have right now. With any new circumstance – including heartbreak – we must work to uncover the silver lining in our thoughts. How this new path could look. And what emotions we would like to have along the way.
This is what sets the stage for adventure and for experiencing life the way we choose. It’s less about jamming a square peg of “right” emotions into the round hole of “thoughts.” It’s actually more about understanding how you’d like to feel and letting that feeling drive away those worn out thoughts and replace them with daydreams. Notice that the emotion can, and perhaps should, come first.
Hold My Thought
Freestyle (Lite) Section
Does anyone else feel as though their brain bent while reading this? Because it definitely feels like mine bent writing it.
It seems that I have sat with a shattered mind for too long. So long I think I’m failing to realize that I’m spending entirely too much time sweeping up the pieces of the old one, instead of thinking about this new thought vessel I’ve acquired.
It’s deeper and stronger, that’s for sure. But all this cleaning I’m doing of the old worn out thoughts is actually filling this new vessel. And I didn’t even realized it until this moment. It is impossible to start fresh if I’m putting tar-laced, jagged remnants in this shiny new mind that is me.
Thoughts on Literotica
All these thoughts on thoughts made me realize something unique. Yes, I enjoy writing literotica short stories. But I just realized that I actually enjoy what I’m learning about myself as I source my stories from my mind’s fictional landscape even more.
You see, I created this website and blog to support those stories. But as with any evolution, I’ve realized that equally, those books wouldn’t exist without this blog. They are both complementary parts of me. And while it seems that writing about sex is raw. Let us not forget that sex is the seed of creation, both literally and metaphorically. There is an honesty to it for me. And it is humbling in its mysterious, yet sacred nature.