I really like the title of this piece. I found it in my brain after penning over two thousand words about illogical decision making by one of my closest friends. You see, originally I planned to talk to you about the situation which he and I were arguing about. But I realized that there is a bigger, more logical opportunity here.
So I want to talk about the illogical. Because that’s what relationships are, aren’t they? Illogical emotions, highs, lows, happiness, sadness, pain, healing, and inevitably, understanding. But I don’t just mean understanding for the other. If we do things right, we can understand ourselves.
Illogical Way to Date
In the beginning relationships don’t need logical. They’re a bundle of amazing emotions that make no sense. It’s part of the fun. The ultimate way to experience one of the many elusive rushes that comes with life. It’s the most welcome and intoxicating breathlessness. A natural drug and subsequent natural high. We all shamelessly chase that dragon. But as we chemically settle back down it’s important to be logical.
The Illogical Social Media Relationship Consciousness
I swear, social media is fascinating. It’s a logical thinker’s most frustrating paradise. It just keeps serving up mindless ideas that are profoundly romantic…and absolutely ludicrous. Which makes them fascinating to ponder.
And social media seems to have its own relationship consciousness. You know, the romantic ideas which embody the most perfect life, with the most perfect person. Ideas which are almost exclusively based on other people’s (mostly) illogical, emotional opinions.
Yet Another Frustrating Post
Yet another post I stumbled across proved just how illogical humans are when it comes to dating and expectations. It said something like, “I date to marry. Not date for a few years and break up. I’ll fight for anything to keep this relationship going.” Wow. Well, nothing says “illogical,” “Stage 5 Clinger” like this “profound” thought that was no doubt penned in the heat of an illogical, highly emotional moment. I mean, nothing shows your illogical expectations better than fighting for something that sounds less like true love and more about status. And let’s not forget, you’re still dating. Not married. Not even necessarily long-term dating. This person sounds to be “in it to win it” from date number one. Nope. No red flags there.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying when the going gets tough that you shouldn’t try and work through it. What I’m saying is somehow you have to use your logic to consider all the angles and then determine if what you think you share is in fact really what you share. Be brutally honest with yourself. Does the good outweigh the bad? Are you being honest with yourself about the events which brought you to this place? There’s a lot of logic to use when it comes to what you’re willing to fight for. Especially when you’re dating.
Isn’t That the Whole Point?
Seriously. Isn’t that the whole point of dating?? Figuring out whether this is the right person for you. But all too often, we get so addicted to the ideas, the dreams, the lifestyle, etc. that we make excuses. Essentially, we lie to ourselves with the hopes that it will get better, while the data since the dawn of time stands to disprove that illogical hypothesis.
And last I checked, there isn’t a timeline on dating. Take all the time you need. Because, as I’ve said before, you aren’t going to be the same in 10 years, and neither are they. So just take your time.
What’s a Relationship without a Cliché
We all hear the masses parrot the old, “relationships aren’t 50/50, they’re 100/100.” The truth is, relationships are both. But the key to this statement is that all of your relationships begin by first being 50/50 with YOURSELF so you can be 100/100 with another. What do I mean? It’s simple.
From Illogical to Logical in One (Not So) Easy Step
The one and only thing you must do to create the relationship you envision is so easy, it’s hard. You must become self aware. Your very first responsibility to this relationship is that you give 50% of your logical thoughts to how your partner complements your life in a positive way. The other 50% of your logical thoughts go to understanding this person so you can equally be a complementary partner to them. Only then can you give 100% of your emotional self in a manner which will nurture an actual relationship worth fighting for – not just a popular idea with roots in the bandwagon logical fallacy.
All in all, saying a relationship is 100/100 is just a more dramatic way of expressing a couple’s dedication to one another. It’s honestly a useless expression if you don’t look at it as a riddle and try to understand it from more than one, very surface angle.
This post obviously has many layers which resonated with people. It received over 10,000 likes. But why? What is it with people feeling so much prouder about themselves if they stay and “fight” for a relationship that isn’t lending to their happiness? Or worse yet, one which is insulting to their loyalty and integrity?
Sure, this post has what it takes to stop a scroll and garner read. But the act of “liking it” without considering what it’s actually saying is almost as illogical as thinking its sentiment encourages a healthy relationship.
As I follow this thought I had a completely bizarro thought. I know it’s going to sound weird, but indulge me for just a moment. As I was writing this piece I realized that maybe robots are underrated as significant others.
I know, it sounds crazy but think about it. All too often humans want the perfect complement for their lives, but spend so little time trying to be the perfect complement for another’s life. Ergo, how awesome would a robot be? Your opinion is their opinion. They “live” just for you. They’ll understand you. They’ll know just what you need and when you need it. They will love you in ways you can’t seem to love yourself. Seriously. Isn’t that what we all want, whether or not we admit it?
It sounds cold to think that we want to program another to suit ourselves. But on the bright side, perhaps this level of complementary behaviors is what makes someone a soulmate. They give you everything you want and never falter.
But Something is Missing
It’s like the two of you are mathematical perfection…based on your vision. But there is a human element which makes our relationships genuine. And that element is “flaw.” It is perfect in its imperfection. So now the question begs, do we ever consider our part in this equation?
The Illogical Heartbreak Quotient
All of this isn’t to say that the illogical, “throw caution to the wind” part of finding love isn’t amazing. It is. And I say DO IT! But just know that this it is where we start down a very slippery slope. And I have literally thrown myself down that slope just for the exhilarating experience of it. It was awesome.
But in the end. Once I’ve tended to the bumps and bruises I took along the exquisite ride, I had to come back to my logic. It was always there waiting for me. So I say, enjoy the ride, but don’t make any life altering decisions while you enjoy yourself. Know that you aren’t objective in the moment. Know that this delicious haze of infatuation will lift. Many an old timer will tell you, you can continue to go against against all better (logical) judgement after infatuation has waned. But if you do you may prolong the inevitable. Which exponentially increases the illogical heartbreak quotient.
Heartbreak is painful. No matter how much you don’t want the other someone. Even worse, if you’re the someone who is unwanted. Visions of the life we would have are burned at the stake. But there were signs. Yes. There were. But we logically don’t want to look at them. Or sometimes even acknowledge them. These signs were indications of things that would just “get better with time.” We make ourselves feel fierce by saying “I stand and fight for this!” But what that often can mean is that we are making logical excuses for illogical desires.
What Was that Guns-n-Roses’ Song?
But the more I think about it the more I think that the problem isn’t solely based on the illogical expectations of our vision for the perfect relationship. The problem also lies in patience. Have we become so impatient that we are willing to make illogical decisions just to get where we think we’re going? Biological clocks are slowed down every day with modern science.