self awareness, relationship, advice

Self Awareness – A Bizarro Follow Up

I’m thinking about my last blog. It seems that this topic, and subsequent ill-advised self diagnosis, could be just what I need to further the conversation on self awareness. But before I get carried away with this thought, I’d like you to know that I’m not one for excuses. So whatever I glean from writing this, I intend to learn from it in an effort to understand myself better. And I’d really like to grow and evolve from it, too. But one thing at a time.

And I truly hope the same for you.

Upon Further Analysis

I think a lot about self awareness and I talk a lot about self awareness. I meditate on it and dive into my subconscious with hopes of learning something more about myself. But self awareness is about knowing yourself as the sum total of all of your experiences.

It’s fascinating to see just how distracted we’ve become with external life. Both as individuals and as a society. But in order to change this. In order to become more self aware in a healthy way, we must be willing to look at ourselves. We must look at all the events and experiences which formed us. And then we must learn to forgive ourselves for whatever we think we didn’t do right. We must learn to be thankful for those experiences bringing us to the right here and right now. Because no matter how painful it can be to open your personal Pandora’s Box, there is always a little bit of hope just waiting to be released into your world.

Into the Darkness

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No matter which way you go about achieving self awareness, the one constant is that at every depth you set out to explore you will be entering a new and darker darkness. And the only thing which will release you from the paralyzing fear of what you are to encounter is acknowledging that you already know what lies ahead. You just don’t want to face those ugly truths again. But no matter what you want to think, or what you want other people to think, those ugly truths created you. And no matter how much you want to hide, or deny, they are waiting for you to acknowledge their place in your creation. If you ignore them, then you will continue to repeat cycles.

Realities of Self Awareness

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I realize that my description of the path to self awareness may be a bit romanticized. But this is truly what the last five years have been like for me. Walking up to one darkness, finding the courage to step through, only to be presented with another. I’d be a fool if I said, “I’ve found the path and this is what you need to do to get through it.” There is no one solution for nurturing self awareness. Only guidance.

I’d equally be a fool if I didn’t acknowledge that people are similar. Not the same. But similar. This is where being part of the “average” majority really helps. Because it means that you can benefit, in some manner, from almost everything. Including the guidance of a reality check.

Harsh Realities

Perhaps this why it may seem that my perspective on self awareness and how it relates to relationships and sex is a bit harsh. I suppose I just don’t see the point in sugarcoating it. I know I may not seem as compassionate as some would like. Even my own mother thinks my heart is too hard. But what would be the point? I’m not trying to be “harsh.” What I’m being is real. And if “real” = harsh, then I guess I’m harsh.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to be negative about life. Because I certainly believe that you can make life better. I also believe that there’s more to life than meets the eye. And there’s more to relationships than meets the eye, too. But what’s the point in ignoring the harsher realities? After all, acknowledging and coming to some kind of resolution are necessary to break negative cycles and actually move forward in life. And let’s not forget about finding some patience. Because resolution takes time. And you may walk through the same darkness over and over, and then once again for good measure. No one knows what it’ll take. That’s just life. What matters is your dedication and perseverance to making it the life you want to experience.

Self Awareness Pontification

It’s so easy to pontificate on social media about the Utopian relationship. Those extra fluffy posts about never settling, or finding someone who does this or that. But the reality is, it’s not all fun and games. As I mentioned, people are pretty similar. Which means people are predictable. It’s not because we’re common. It’s because we’re all made the same. We all have things in our lives that affect us from long ago. We are the sum total of all the experiences we have had to this point. Sprinkle in a little parental and social influences and you can see how each of our experiences to this point was formed.

If You Don’t Read Anything Else

We can all be hopeless romantics at some point. But we still must acknowledge that this, too, is Utopia. By adding another person to your life you are adding a variable for which you have no control. And you must accept this as fact. You are injecting their extraneous variables which you rarely consider when creating your vision of the perfect relationship. But they too are individuals who have their own experiences, their own minds, their own ideas, and their own lives they’ve led up to this point. Some would call all of this “baggage.” Whatever you want to call it, it is in the end just their life. And all too often we let other peoples’ lives influence the vision of our own lives, usually negatively.

A Relationship Equation ∞

Intimate, Relationship Advice, Passion

By adding an uncontrollable variable (a unique person) to our equation for perfection in love, we will, without fail, experience life in a different way than we had wanted or had envisioned. Whether it’s good or bad is up to you and your vision.

The truth is, we are literally adding an infinite ∞ amount of potential outcomes to the quantum equation of love. But all that truly matters is our self awareness and how we want to proceed in life. So you must ask yourself, is this variable helping create, or even enhancing your vision? Or is it deteriorating it? And if you’re willing to modify or change your vision to suit their life experiences, then you need to spend more time working on your own self awareness. That way you can figure out what it is that you really want.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t believe in Utopia. But Utopia exists within us. We cannot expect or allow other people to create our Utopia. We are the Utopia.

Self Awareness & the Journey’s End

People are always touting that they know the answer for this or that. But again, what works for one won’t necessarily work for another. But we want it to. So we try this and buy that. The truth is, everything is a guide. You need to get right with yourself. Because the key to a great relationship is cultivating self awareness. And having a great relationship with yourself should be your first priority.

Honestly, if you want a good relationship, it is your personal responsibility to nurture your self awareness. Know yourself so you can be a good addition to a relationship. And equally you won’t settle for what doesn’t contribute to a good experience in your life. This is simply because once you begin to cultivate self awareness you’ll have reconciled so many bad experiences you won’t want to have to work through another one.

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About the author

The Enlightened Spectacle blog uses the exes, codependent tendencies, and esoteric thoughts of one woman in search of life’s deeper meaning as the inspiration for you to deviate from social norms, gain new perspectives, and embrace the darkness on your own Path of Enlightenment.

Josie de Vere is evolving thinker who happens to be codependent and also a writer. Hoping her journey through the darkness to know enlightenment inspires others along the way.


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