As you may already know, I think a lot. For example, today I thought, “Why is your god so interested in my sex life?” Which led me to a thought about how some would have you think that sex is as bad for you as white sugar. And white sugar isn’t the devil, either. And then I remembered a random thought I had the other day about the inspiration which accompanies a sexual experience. See. It’s a funhouse of awkward conversations in my mind.
(not so) Inspirationally Inspirational Inspiration
The Universe works in a funny way. Nonsensical, really. Because no sooner did I have the thought about sexual inspiration did I started seeing posts on Instagram by people who are “professional inspirers.” And I don’t mean inspirational speakers. There are people who make a living by selling their own type of personal inspiration. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Seriously, I didn’t realize that inspiration could even be a commodity. It’s always been a spontaneous thing for me. But wait…everything is a commodity these days. Silly me.
As I mentioned, it occurred to me that a sexual encounter begets inspiration. Not to mention that the act of sex is its own inspired experience. Well, good sex, that is. Just like a profound meditative experience. Thoughts flow. Feelings flow. And somewhere in the warmth which radiates through your veins are the new sensations which somehow carry a special, emotionally charged inspiration. And we all know that emotion is how great things begin to take shape in our realities. It’s just an amazing space.
Chemically Inspired Infatuation
It’s easy to be inspired when you’re infatuated with someone. Our output in every aspect of our life is at the highest level. They’re all we think about. And coming together (literally and figuratively) sends ripples through the cosmos. You leave your body and can see the creation of a new universe. But then the chemicals associated infatuation (sadly) wear off. Life returns to normal, and then what?
First, the Polite Way of Saying It
Now the Not So Polite Way of Saying It
Despite all that we know about sexuality in today’s world, there are still many women having “mercy sex.” You know. The sex you have monthly, on birthdays and anniversaries, whether you need it or not. I’ve had entirely too many conversations with married (and formerly married) women about this very topic. Not one. Literally, not one of them saw the inspirational aspects of sex. Nor did they seem to care too much about “meeting his needs.” The crude reality is that most of them saw it as their duty. Clearly, the chemical inspiration created by infatuation was gone.
Here’s the part where it’s easy to insert the rhetorical question – “Why?” And most people know a version of many correct answers. “Sex is mental for women and men just expect me to be ready when they are.” “It’s just not as exciting as it used to be.” But the more appropriate question might be, “Where did things go awry?” And I think I may have found an answer to getting back to inspirational sex. And it’s simple. It’s all about awareness.
Her awareness of his needs and his awareness of hers. The only problem I see here is a tiny thing called “resentment.”
There are tons of results if you were to Google “what do women think about during sex.” Go ahead and do it, I’ll wait. There are so many you can just pick the magazine you find to be most credible. But the truth is still the same.
Both men and women have a lot on their minds. But women think about things differently. So there’s a 100% chance that it’s going to take some effort just to relax enough just to find the inspiration to have sex. Let alone see the inspirational aspects (good) sex can yield.
Life gets in the way. There’s so much going on in a given day. And all too often partners start competing for the “hardest day award.” And we all know there’s nothing sexually inspirational about an argument…and makeup sex seems to have an expiration date, too. It’s easy for one person’s inspiration for intimacy to quickly turn into resentment for all parties. So how do couples get back on the same page?
Let’s Take Our Own Advice
Sex, the inspirational kind or simply the quicky kind, requires awareness. But not self awareness this time, that’s a topic for another time. I’m talking about the awareness of our partners. What makes them tick, and what turns them off. You see, if we are to inspire our partners to change their thoughts, even just for a moment, it takes understanding. Understanding of who they are as individuals. Understanding of how our actions and words affect them. I think I can boil this down even further. We have to care about our partners. Genuinely.
It’s probably time we start embodying those inspirational quotes we like so much on social media.