Is it possible that I subconsciously did things in my life to seemingly, accidentally sabotage something in my life that I truly no longer wanted? Before I get too deep into looking for science to tell me if I’m right or wrong, I’m going to make a mildly educated guess. Yes. I think that this is exactly what I did. I subconsciously summoned the demise of my relationship. Which gives new irony to the phrase “accidentally on purpose.”
Once Upon A Time…
Last night I thought about about my ex-husband. Believe me when I say that once upon a time, I loved him. But now we’ve been apart for over five years. And consciously, and probably subconsciously too, I still struggle to remember how I ever loved him. But I do have a vague recollection of good times.
Anyway, last night I flashed back to a time when he was drunk. He was making all kinds of noise while he searched for something any sober person couldn’t care less about. Like a lighter, or a beer coozy. He never cared how he or his actions affected anyone else. Even today he’s non-subconsciously exactly the same.
Anyway…one night he was digging through his side of the closet. Because he has almost always been inconsiderately loud on these occasions, he woke me up. I remember thinking, “Just go away.” As I tried to hold onto a scrap of being asleep. I think this little comment must have nestled its way into my subconscious. Like a seed in fertile earth. The warm wash of happiness the thought gave was like the early Spring rain. All of this somehow set quantum physics into motion.
The Subconscious Speaks at 2am
It’s funny the things you think about as you’re somewhere between awake and asleep. That’s the time I like to listen closely. It’s where my subconscious takes the mic. And my consciousness is just too tired to interrupt.
The Demise of a Relationship
Here’s another inconvenient truth. It’s true, I didn’t want to be with him. And that feeling had lasted for many years. But I never knew a way to leave. And inconveniently, I still loved a couple of the sober parts of him. But last night a funny idea occurred to me. It seemed quite possible that I subconsciously sabotaged my relationship. Imagine that all of the decisions I made in my day-to-day life. My business/work life decisions. And my sex life (which was all but over by then anyway). Every single thing I did was subconsciously influenced to achieve the goal of being free from him. Subliminal influences were afoot simply because I wanted to change my life and didn’t consciously know how.
It’s possible, right? After all, the subconscious keeps us breathing. It keeps our hearts beating and our kidneys flowing. Most of what makes us “us” occurs without us having to think about it. So, could the same be said for our situations in life?
I Subconsciously Propose That…
What if it worked like this –
We whisper even the tiniest of ideas to the subconscious part of our mind about what we want. We explain its level of importance through our heart brain and its communication through emotion and the nervous system. And just like digestion, the subconscious makes it happen. How? By influencing our actions.
You see, “deep down” we know what we need to do in every situation. It’s our conscious mind which always gets in the way. Those pesky “what if” thoughts are always tripping us up. So even when we think we don’t know, we actually do. So we go on autopilot. It seems strange. But think about it. We always wind up exactly where we’re supposed to be.
Maybe because the change was going to be so drastic I knew I couldn’t take the necessary actions consciously. So with its infallible wisdom, my mind subconsciously set in motion my actions. Actions which would create a series of deteriorations for such a change to happen. And to make sure that change really stuck.
Which makes me momentarily think about people who have affairs. Perhaps their actions are showing them that they don't want their current circumstance. But because of betrayal, guilt, and trust implications they miss the subconscious message/opportunity to understand themselves.
Anyway, by the time we were at the courthouse filing papers I felt sad, but not nearly as crestfallen as I once would have. Mission (subconsciously) accomplished.
Science of the Subconscious
Every self help coach since the dawn of time has been saying it. “If you want it. If you can feel it. You will have it.” Why? Because somehow this big brain of ours knows how to get us in the right direction. The only trouble is we all too often focus on what we lose in the process. Instead of focussing on how every circumstance, good or bad, is how we’re actually achieving our goals. Fascinating.
But to determine if science supports my theory, we must look to psychology. And even that isn’t very clear. Especially since I’m trying to write a blog and not a thesis.
Cognitive Psychology
Social Psychology
Skipping Freud, Heading for Jung
Jung & Cognitive Psych for the Subconscious Win
With all of the definitions out of the way I think I have stumbled onto something which supports my initial theory. You may remember – I submitted that perhaps I subconsciously sabotaged my relationship. Even though I was unhappy, I couldn’t consciously see a clear way out. Then a simple thought came to mind. That thought somehow became “subliminal.” And perhaps because of its emotional nature, it resonated and planted itself in my subconscious. Therefore, according to Carl Jung, this moment of crisis enabled my psyche (AKA: soul, spirit, mind. I prefer “subconscious”) to access the “collective unconscious” to solve for it.
I often stick with Jungian psychology in my research. But in this case, Freud would say that I had already knew the way out due to past experiences. Mmmmmaybe. But that would be the true art of repression, as I have no memory of anything like this in my life. However, I do know that we inherit survival instincts, so perhaps the solution was encoded on my DNA. But truth be told, I am fascinated by Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious. It’s a labyrinth that is a never ending journey. One I absolutely love exploring.
Subliminal Message Below
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