It’s time to explore a common phenomenon. Let’s explore how new love, or maybe just lust, but definitely sex are miraculous healers of the body and mind. Well, temporarily anyway. But I must mention that, as with everything, I have uncovered a rather deep, albeit sexy rabbit hole.
Sexy: The Art of the Flirt
I remember when the dance of attraction with someone new was a miraculous cure for anything. The art of the flirt is a concerto. It’s as though the flirt is a perfectly placed solo as a potential romance begins its hopeful journey to a delicious crescendo set to take place on top of the world.
OK. Perhaps I got a little carried away there. But how does it feel to flirt? Better yet, how does it feel to have the flirtation returned? I’ll tell you. It feels hopeful. Invigorating. And oh yeah, sexy as hell. And feeling sexy does wonders for the ego.
Ego: That pesky part of your mind which is responsible for those thoughts which determine your self worth. (It can sometimes be an asshole and is easily wounded.)
I would even be so bold to say that gaining the approval of someone you admire offers a sense of worthiness. This much needed ego boost makes it seem as though everything that was wrong five minutes ago has become trivial. What’s even more remarkable, without even a warning these wrongs just cease to exist. All is right with the world.
So what is it that we’ve found? We found the high of love. Well, we’ve actually found drugs. Dopamine, Phenylethylamine, and Oxytocin to be exact. These are the same chemicals found in people with OCD and mania. And Oxytocin can cause impaired memories. So yeah, being in love is literally quite similar to being a bit cray-cray.
That Dirty Sexy Ego
The flood of euphoria feels so damn good, doesn’t it? It’s as though your ego just took a giant hit of some of the world’s best ganja. With your ego feelin fine, it’s more than happy to serve up all kinds of self validating thoughts. It would seem that you could conquer the world.
The truth is, most of our daily thoughts aren’t very flattering. Unfortunately, we spend most of our time repeating self deprecating thoughts to ourselves. But then we get insulted if someone else insults us. The ego is weird that way. I suppose the ego is like family. We can say what we want about ourselves, to ourselves, but no one else can. You see, we’re not any more sexy or worthy than any other day. We’ve just poured a healthy dose of naturally occurring drugs down our ego’s throats. It’s true that gaining an admirer’s good opinion offers a degree of encouragement. A kind of approval, of sorts. But what we truly need from time to time is a diversion from our current thought patterns. And a sexy diversion is always best.
Moreover, amidst all of these sexy thoughts and hidden chemical reactions you actually found something you didn’t even realize you were missing. Through the haze of naturally occurring brain fog, you’ve actually cleared the way for something even greater. Above all, you’ve gained some much needed perspective. You’ve been given a diversion so all the other dust in your life has time to settle. And when the time is right you can revisit things with a fresh perspective.
Sexy Mind or Sexy Feeling?
But is it really our thoughts that have improved? Or is it our feelings that have improved…and our thoughts have followed? As we go a bit deeper down this rabbit hole we need to ponder this small detail. Our thoughts have changed, this is true. We’re no longer clobbering ourselves with negativity. But the truth is, the flood of happy chemicals has made us feel good. So, as many “new age” thinkers would say, the thoughts follow the feeling. Not the other way around.
Feelings make us feel better. This is why meditation is so great. You’re not wrestling with thoughts. You’re accepting them. This gives you a bit more space to feel better. And when you feel better, you think better. When you think better, you make better decisions.
It’s all because of the role our hearts play in our experience of the world. And yes, our hearts have a brain. Essentially, our emotions play a much larger role in our life experience than we realize. Emotions are also responsible for the healthy function of our body’s internal systems. The heart speaks to the brain. We just think it’s always the other way around. So when the heart feels good, the brain feels good. The whole feel good dopamine experience we just talked about makes even more sense when you look at it this way.
If you care to go down that rabbit hole, here are a couple of links to guide your journey. Heartmath.org and Heartmath.org – Science of the Heart
But what happens when the sexy wears off?
When the Sexy Wears Off
As with any drug, over time, the brain develops a tolerance. Once your concerto reaches its crescendo you may not feel the way you felt. This could take weeks or months…maybe even a year or so. But eventually life gets back to normal and you get back to business as usual. This is where you learn if it truly was love or just a sexy, passionate affair. Either way, the sex was likely pretty hot while it lasted.
Sometimes the sexy wears off for your lover before it wears off for you. This is where all the pain of heartbreak comes in. And now that you know that there’s so more to your heart than just a blood pump, you know why heartbreak is a physical experience.
The Essence of Sexual Healing
The whole point to all of this exploration of the sexy rabbit hole is to learn something. And what we have learned is that we need to nurture our hearts so that we feel sexy. More so, that we feel worthy of the greatness of life. With or without the approval of another. Sex is a strong human drive. And passion is a strong human emotion. No matter where you are in your love life, accept that you are a beautiful sexual being. And give permission to your heart so it can nurture your mind. This is how it was meant to be. This is how you capture the true essence of sexual healing. Your heart already knows how to feel good. It’s the barrage of outside influences muddying the waters, feeding our egos, and creating repetitive negative thoughts. So, in the words of Roxette, “listen to your heart.”
There is an intelligence in your heart that is much deeper than a rabbit hole. An intelligence your mind would love to receive. And if you let it, it will take you on a journey much greater and more inspiring than any story you could read. What’s more, you’ll feel really good. And after all, feeling good through life is what we’re truly after, isn’t it?
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