Last week we talked about sapiosexuals. This week we’re going to explore those who see themselves as pansexual. Before we get too far into it, I want to tell you that I truly appreciate this identity. Where the sapiosexual is rather straightforward, pansexual opens up the conversation to show the importance of understanding gender identities. As well as understanding that sexual and romantic orientations are not synonymous. I’m sure you can already see that this identity is about to open up a remarkably diverse conversation and offer new perspectives.
A Pansexual Segway
My friend’s daughter is “pansexual.” I hadn’t heard the term until the day she told me. I had images of the faun (or satyr, if you prefer) Pan flitter through my mind. But the mythological Pan has little to do with pansexual. Save for “pan” meaning “all.” And it’s true that the randy half goat half man was embraced by all the gods. But he does offer a rather good lesson about sexual instinct.
So from Pan we learn that sexual instincts cannot be ignored. Explore them. Nurture them and find balance. Do not over indulge, nor starve yourself. (More on this later.)
By now you know that I love a good definition.
Of course no one is attracted to everyone. That seems rather impossible. Some personalities are more attractive than others. Identifying as pansexual means that gender or non-gender don’t matter. What matters is the individual, the personality. This may sound simplistic of me, but having no limits on your sexuality sounds wildly freeing. Not to mention refreshingly openminded. And while being pansexual seems to expand the dating pool, we must look at a very important distinction.
Sexual Orientation vs. Romantic Orientation
Pansexual identities often spark conversation about bisexuality. It seems rather straight forward that the term bisexual implies two sexes. But I’m learning that this could be exclusionary of non-binary people. I don’t want to over simplify the definition of non-binary. So here’s an excerpt:
I certainly don’t want to exclude anyone. But since this sex chat is about pansexuals, let’s agree that pansexuals are attracted to all genders.
But I’m not sure that many of us have considered the difference between sexual and romantic orientation. Plainly put, someone can be sexually attracted to all genders but not necessarily romantically oriented to the same gender(s).
I really hope I convey this appropriately. If you are sexually attracted to all genders, but have romantic feelings toward the gender which you identify, then you are homoromantic pansexual. Basically, you are romantically inclined toward your own gender, but sexually attracted to all.
Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth Bennet
In “The Poor Darcy” series of short literotica stories, I’d say that Elizabeth Bennet could identify as pansexual. And perhaps Mr. Darcy, too. This blog has given me so much to consider for these characters. Not to mention the future characters I may write.
What’s in a Label?
All of this effort we put into definitions like pansexual, sapiosexual, heterosexual, and all the rest are great ways for us to understand ourselves. But we are so much more than our sexuality. Despite sex being an innate drive in each of us, it’s so little of who we actually are. Friendships and relationships should be forged on similar senses of humor, a deep appreciation for tacos, and similar morality.
As much as I don’t feel the need to publicly identify as such-and-such-sexual, I can understand that there’s a sense of reassurance to understanding yourself a bit better. Then there’s part of me that feels compelled to create my own single-word description to add to this. I’m heteroromantic panplatonic. Which means I’m romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, but love friendships with all!
Before we round out our talk about pansexuals, I wanted ask you to revisit something I said earlier. At the end of The Pansexual Segway I said,
So from Pan we learn that sexual instincts cannot be ignored. Explore them. Nurture them and find balance. Do not over indulge, nor starve yourself.
The phrase, “nor starve yourself” was highly intentional. I said it for the sole purpose of coining a new phrase…which I found out is already a phrase. But I’m going to define it my way. Sexual Anorexia, which I mean as intentionally starving or denying your sexual desire. Only for the Sexual Anorexic to then parade their negative opinions of sex around as the ultimate in morality.
Although Sexual Anorexia is not recognized as a diagnosis, I do not mean any disrespect to its clinical application, which may stem from trauma.
I’m sure the opinions in my blog push boundaries. Yet here you are. Learning about topics such as pansexual identity along with me. So as we continue the quest for sex logic together, a post on Instagram inspired me to say the following –
I do not subscribe to the belief that denying your sexual instincts makes you more respectable, spiritual, or more enlightened. To say that sexual anorexia makes you wiser is like saying you’re more knowledgeable about nutrition because you’re on a diet. We are all on our own paths.Josie de Vere
There’s nothing wrong with an opinion
o·pin·ion /əˈpinyən/ noun
a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.Source: google.com
I have no problem with opinion. How could I? What I have a problem with is supporting judgmental opinions about other people’s sexual desires by bastardizing objective facts to support your position. This is just wrong.
We are products of our environments. Much of what we believe has been pre-processed for us. We all have our own sexual needs. And for anyone, especially spouses, to label those who watch porn as “disgusting” is saying more about their own inadequacies. Stop judging, start learning. Remember porn is a novelty. It’s harmless for about 95% of those who watch it. The issue is how people communicate.