I write literotica because of my love for the taboo and inappropriate. I love challenging people to think differently. And I love that science provides an opportunity to be less emotional and more logical on the touchy topics. Writing about sex means having ample access to a wealth of taboo and inappropriateness PLUS science, so you can see why writing about sex really feeds my soul. So now let’s have another sex chat, this time about sexual arousal.
What This Sex Chat is Not About
Originally this sex chat was going to be about sexual satisfaction but I stumbled across another topic which piqued my interest (at least for now). So before we move on let’s just say that sexual satisfaction is truly subjective.
As you know, I’m a fan of psychology. For this sex chat I’d like to focus on “arousal psychology” which is human, but seemingly different for men and women…or is it?
To do this sex chat right we need to look at the psychology of arousal. So first things first, let’s get a definition.
arousal noun arous·al \ ə-ˈrau̇-zəl
1: the act of arousing someone or something
2: a state of physiological and psychological excitation caused by sexual contact or other erotic stimulationSource: merriam-webster.com
If you were to Google “arousal psychology” you’d get a healthy dose of definition #1 above. This is basically the state of being alert. But we’re not going to focus on being alert. Instead we’re going to focus on being aroused. “Erotic stimulation,” to be precise.
Would you be surprised if I told you in this sex chat that men and women experience arousal differently? I didn’t think so. Everything you assume about men and sex is essentially true. Men think about sex more, seek it out more, masturbate more, even priests have more sex than nuns. (Not kidding, folks.) But while men’s turn ons are rather specific, women have proven to become aroused by a variety of sexual scenes. We’ve heard in private sex chats that women are more mental than physical. Women are seemingly more complex sexually than men. And yes, I’m going to say it. Women appear to be more confusing, too. You read it here in this sex chat. I am a woman saying that women are confusing.
Women are Confusing…Even for a Woman
So, let’s get this out in the open. According to research, women are physically aroused by all kinds of sex – straight, gay, bi. Women seem to like it all, which is great! Variety is the spice of life. But then we learn that what women liked before may not be what they like now. Church going women are in fact more likely to be “prudes.” And then there are women whose “expressed values” don’t match their behaviors. I’m a woman and even I’m confused…but in a weird way I get it.
What exactly do I understand?
I’d like to contribute real life testimony to this sex chat, as I have over forty years experience as a woman. Let’s start out with feelings. I can absolutely tell you that I experience feelings intensely, but I’m not very emotional. I know. This makes about as much sense as a nun with a better sex life than me. Anyway, many of my male friends would say that the situation was good or bad and leave it at that. But not me. I could (but often don’t) go on and on describing how it made me feel, why it was good or bad, how to fix it, etc. My girlfriends are pretty much the same. All of this would lead many to say that men and women feel feelings differently, which could explain the diversity in women’s perspectives on sex. But this isn’t true.
As it turns out, men and women do indeed feel similarly about certain scenarios. They differ in how they report what they feel. Here’s further explanation:
To Confuse Matters Further
Before we move on to the men portion of this sex chat, I’d like to take a walk down memory lane. I’ve found that as I look back over my life, I am nothing like I was in my twenties or my thirties – mentally or physically. I’m also confident that who I am today is not who I’ll be tomorrow.
I’m About to Mention Blue Cheese in a Sex Chat…but it works.
What I like and dislike has changed over time – even down to something as simple as blue cheese. Every experience I have shapes me. The opinions of my peers don’t really influence me. Rather the perspective I gain from interactions with my peers is what shapes me. My opinions on life are just as fluid as my opinions on sex. Nothing is rigid. My perspective has evolved. My tastes have evolved. I, as a woman, have evolved. It’s a good thing.
Do I think my evolution is as simple as male or female maturity? No. I think it has to do with the amount of reflection we put into ourselves as individuals, not as men or women. As we have experiences we mature through life. Maybe women are more vocal about their changes. Maybe men’s brains are wired in a way that, for some evolutionary reason, they like what they like with less variance over the years. There are a million things we could hypothesize in this sex chat. But one thing we need to avoid is the hypothesis that men are simple and I, a woman, am more complex. Keep in mind that men’s sex organs are outside of their body, making them very aware of themselves at any given time. Again, men are always ready to get a boner and procreate. It’s cliché, but it is biology.
So it stands to reason that if my tastes and perspectives have changed, my tastes and perspectives on sex would naturally change, too. But this isn’t to say that men’s tastes don’t change. Maybe their changes are more subtle making them less obvious. If you’re doing life right, you will change as you age. Hopefully for the better.
Sex Chat – The Best for Last
Men are subject to sweeping generalizations, and this sex chat is no different. But maybe it is. Common thinking, as well as science, says that men’s sex drive is stronger, seemingly ever present, and sex is highly sought after. Science would also say that women crave sex less than men at all phases of life. This could be true. But perhaps it’s the motivations for sex which differ between men and women at all phases of life. Maybe it’s a blend of physiological and psychological conditions and not just simply “desire for sex.” But saying that men are simpler sexually is a bit too, shall we say, simplistic.
Take, for example, that of the two-thirds of men who masturbate fifty percent of them feel guilty about it. (Personal opinion here, fellas – don’t feel guilty.) Doesn’t this tell us something? These “simple” creatures do indeed have deep feelings about their sexual behavior. Could it be that men do scrutinize themselves as much as women, only they don’t express it in the same way?
Yes, it’s true that sexual stimuli differ between men and women. But as we evolve through this sex chat, and through this blog, we’ve seen that men do like things women like – i.e.: literotica. So, perhaps it’s not women who are more complex. Perhaps women are just more inclined to express themselves. It’s quite possible that men are just as sexually unique and special as women. We’ve been so busy making generalizations that we may have forgotten to take the time to truly get to know them as individuals.
Honestly, my eyes have been opened writing this. I’ve always been a fan of a man making the effort to ensure a woman’s pleasure…that does in fact take longer (on average about 10 minutes to his 4 minutes). But what if a woman took back or even shared in the responsibility of her pleasure? What if a woman sought to know her partner better and heighten his experience along with hers? What if we all looked at sex as unique to each human rather than male or female? Imagine the possibilities.
PS – Check out our literotica library to help set the mood.