Somewhere in the Sex Education blog I said, “the mind is the ultimate sex organ,” and “porn isn’t cheating“. Good news! Both are still true. Which means the mind and porn are the best sex toys for men and women alike. Which also means you can spice up your sex life relatively cheap. (NOTE: You already have a mind, and most visual porn is free and some literary erotica is just about a dollar.)
But let’s talk about sex toys for men.
Yes, Porn is a Sex Toy
When we think about sex toys we think about physical items which can be used for stimulation. Rarely does the average person think of porn as a sex toy. But porn does stimulate…the mind (we’ll talk about that in a moment), and since that’s what sex toys do…they stimulate…ergo, porn is a sex toy.
Stereotypically, men are thought to be drawn more to visual porn as a sex toy rather than literotica. I can’t deny that even I was pleasantly surprised when a male reader of “Mr. Darcy – An Exchange of Power” reached out with his kind words. Inspired, I did a little research to confirm what we already knew – science says that men do indeed enjoy reading about sex, too.
Before I go much further I’d like to briefly revisit some of the more sensitive issues surrounding porn. Psychologists say that porn only interferes with the daily lives of about 5% of people who watch it. What’s more, men’s attraction to porn could be evolutionary. Basically, they’re always ready to get a boner and procreate. The WebMD article (referenced above) goes on to say that it’s not really the porn that’s the problem, porn is a novelty. And by definition, a “novelty” is the perfect sex toy.
nov·el·ty /ˈnävəltē/ noun
a small and inexpensive toy or ornamentSource: Google Dictionary
The problem is how couples “expose themselves” to one another. No, not “expose” in the nude way, but in the vulnerability way. It’s all about communication, folks.
I don’t know many men who use erotica as their sex toy of choice, but I do know plenty of men who watch porn. Since more and more women are turning to porn these days, it seems that if men began incorporating literotica into their arsenal of sex toys we’d see a new balance emerge between the sexes. I like the sound of that evolution.
Sex Toys for Men – The Original List
I called every man I knew well enough to find out which of them actually had some kind of sex toy, for themselves (not their lover). I was able to compile the list below from the “Average Joe” male, however most of them only knew of these things and didn’t actually have them in their box of sex toys.
What was in their box of sex toys?
Some had tried a cock ring once or twice, and one of the more daring uses a butt plug both during sex and masturbation, but the vast majority simply had – lotion/lube, visual porn, and Mrs. Palmer.
- Vintage Porn (old DVDs, some even still had VHS tapes)
- XNXX (Seems to be everyone’s favorite these days)
- Cock Rings
- Butt Plug
To Watch Porn or Read Erotica?
As you know, I say both. But let’s go a little bit deeper.
Watching: The Science
Science doesn’t really know why watching porn turns us on. It could be due to “mirror neurons,” which create the “mirrored” sensation of feeling what you’re seeing. Honestly – I’m just glad it does. Essentially, visual porn as a sex toy means you don’t have to think too much, which makes it super convenient.
Reading: The Science
Last week I said that there was something deeper to reading erotica. I said that reading erotica was “suggestive imagination“. Here’s what science says…
What’s more, in 2013, college students had their brains studied before and after reading a novel.
Hmmmm. “Experienced similar sensations to the characters in the book.” Sounds a lot like what happens when we watch porn. Perhaps it’s even a bit deeper of an experience.
LitErotica and Men
The WebMD article I mentioned in this post does offer some tips as to incorporating porn as a sex toy into a relationship. The most profound thing to me was that it recommends to let the woman choose, as men are, shall we say, easier to please. Essentially, if she likes it, so will he. But does the same go for literary erotica?
All Stories Are Not Created Equal
Keep in mind, erotica can mean a lot of things. Some erotic stories are novels, others are vignettes. Some stories are romantic, others are carnal. Personally, I’ve moved to writing vignettes which get straight to the sex. Yes, there’s a story slipped in between the sheets, so to speak, but I write erotica to be used as a sex toy. My hope is that people will want to dive into their minds a bit and get to know themselves a bit deeper. There’s a lot your imagination can teach you. Reading is also relaxing, and despite what your twenty-one year old former self tells you, relaxation is a key to good sex.
Do keep in mind that the storyline of your favorite romance or erotic novel may not be what your man would like to experience. My recommendation – get straight to the sex.
Sex Toys from Josie de Vere
Yes, my library has a variety of options from fantasy to true fiction. Some stories feature middle aged women, tackle taboo topics such as affairs, and even take the world’s favorite bachelor Mr. Darcy and put him in all kinds of unique scenarios. Check out the Erotic Library of Maison de Vere and see what tickles your fancy. Keep in mind, most of these vignettes range from $0.99 – $2.00.