Earlier this week we talked about sex education, meditation, and orgasms. We talked about how within the “calm” we can achieve mindfulness and really connect to our fantasies and reach an erotic state. Today I want to take this a step further and talk about what it means to be intimate, achieve intimacy, and stoke the fires of passion to achieve incredible sex that will have you coming back for more.
I really like definitions, they help ensure that we’re all on the same page. So, let’s start out with a few firm definitions.
Similarly, intimacy –
And now for the pièce de résistance, passion –
Intimate & Intimacy
When it comes to their sexual connotation, I often hear these two words used interchangeably. However they’re used, the reality of intimate and intimacy are that they represent something deeper. They are less about “privacy” and are more representative of a deep emotion, one which may be hard to define, but most certainly felt between two people. Intimate relationships can be platonic, but in this context, I’m going to stick to the romantic version.
It seems that what people are truly in search of is intimacy – a deep connection with another. A relationship which has the same properties as a best friend and romantic partner – one which you can almost physically feel nurturing you deep within – one some would even call a “soulmate.” Everyone searches for an intimate relationship differently, and one night stands can provide an exciting taste of a momentary connection. But when you experience sex with someone with whom you’re deeply connected, it can change your entire perspective of life – your hopes and dreams.
Yes, it’s possible for sparks to fly at first sight, but often times these deeply close relationships, the ones that truly influence your life, take time to nurture. What’s most important to realize is, and I’m going to say this over and over, before you can truly find someone whose chemistry matches your own, you must first find an intimate relationship with yourself – both mentally and sexually.
Intimate Moments with Yourself
Finding time for yourself is the most important thing you can do in this life. It helps you overcome challenges and make peace with your past, after all –
As we saw earlier this week, finding this place of peace can also help you rejuvenate your libido. When you’re searching for a deeper, more intimate relationship with another, start with yourself. This will help you make better dating decisions, and perhaps attract the right kind of person a bit quicker than if your mind is cluttered and confused…it can even help repair a waning relationship with the one you once thought was your soulmate. Be willing to let go of control for a few minutes and dig a little deeper. Remember when I said a partner is there to complement you, not complicate you? Well, that goes for them as well. You want to complement, not complicate. Get to work on yourself.
Finding an intimate flow within yourself will take a bit of time, especially if you’ve spent your time searching for someone rather than searching within yourself. The goal is to calm your mind. Whether you’re spiritual, religious or atheist, a guided meditation is of the utmost value, as it can help bring you back to yourself.
Knowing yourself sexually is equally as important. Time to pour a little fuel on your personal fire. A little candlelight and meditation, some gentle self exploration, and acceptance of yourself and your fantasies and you’re on your way! (Porn and erotica are excellent intimacy tools and resources for individuals and couples alike, so feel free to use them liberally, as well.)
Many of us have experienced passion, the carnal roar you feel when you’re alone with someone to whom you’re attracted. Passion and intimacy do exist independently of one another, however, imagine the sparks which will fly when your passion is fueled by an intimate connection.
Rekindling the Passion
When chatting with the ladies, and the gentlemen, the first thing they say about their dwindling sex lives is that their passion for one another has fizzled out. It stands to reason, the high of the chemical reaction set off in the early stages of the relationship has gone back to normal and life has carried on. They still really care about one another, couldn’t imagine a life without one another, but that delicious sex is all but lost. If this is the case, the good news is – there is likely still an intimate relationship underlying the mundane, day-to-day experiences which, if properly nurtured, can evolve into something deeper and even more sexually fulfilling.
Intimate + Intimacy ÷ Passion = Incredible Sex
Now that we’ve looked at deep connections and deep desires. Here’s a breakdown of the equation you can try immediately.
Step 1. Intimate. Be Still. Connect with yourself. Close your eyes, focus on your heart, not your sex organs. Allow happiness to wash over you.
Step 2. Intimacy. From this intimate space, welcome yourself, your partner, or request that they welcome you. This is an exchange of sexual energy, and if you’re intimately connected with yourself, others will notice.
Step 3. Passion. Nurture Steps 1 and 2 as to stoke the flames of desire. Intimacy builds itself ever stronger until the need for satisfaction culminates into an explosion of passion filled sexual energy.
Within each of these steps there is one common denominator, which is you. Nurture yourself, nurture your heart, find your passion…and give yourself permission to have amazing sex!