Relationships and XXX – A Worthy Combo

Before we dive into relationships and XXX (otherwise referred to as “porn”), I wanted to start out by defining monogamy – mostly because most people are engaged in monogamous relationships and also because I’ve heard people (mostly women) say that they get offended by their partner’s use of porn, some even going so far as to say that a person’s use of porn is infidelity. I’m here to tell you, it’s not. So before I go any further, let’s get a definition.

Monogamy

a. the state or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time

b. the state or custom of being married to only one person at a time

c. the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time

Source: Merriam Webster

The Relationship Riddle

There’s something I just don’t understand, as I mentioned in last week’s blog Sexless Marriage – I’ll Give You 3 Reasons, sexless relationships are rampant and “the denier” is crushed when their partner cheats…but to add a layer of absurdity to the relationship riddle, “the denier” finds porn repulsive and unnecessary. So what we’re left to conclude are the following relationship goals –

“I don’t want to have sex with you, save for the obligatory birthday and anniversary. I don’t want you to have sex with anyone else. Oh, and I don’t want you to watch porn either – because that’s basically sleeping with someone else. Essentially, I want you to become celibate and channel all of your sexual energy into undying love and admiration for me.”

RELATIONSHIPS BREAKING NEWS

PORN IS NOT CHEATING

You might say that I’m biased, as I write erotica. But long before I started writing for pleasure, I held very strong opinions on the role of porn in a relationship. Monogamy means one sexual partner…and that’s you, that’s it. People on the screen or in a book don’t count.

Remember, humans are sexual beings. We can choose to have sex for pleasure, which is a very big bonus. Stifling desire or sexual pleasure is not a symbol of your purity, it could be argued that it’s actually quite the opposite in that it would be the denial of something sacred and beautiful. Sexuality is a gift, not a curse.

Repeat after me – porn is not cheating.

Relationships and XXX – A Worthy Combo

Simply stated, porn and erotica are wonderful accessories to the monogamous relationship. They stoke desire, get the blood flowing – literally – and can help stimulate the mind enough to help those of you who struggle to reach orgasm a bit easier. It also helps you know your partner, even increase the bond.

It seems, however, that literary erotica and porn are treated a bit differently. Romance novels, erotica short stories, and “mommy porn” seem to be considered a bit less salacious for the ladies than watching porn, but there’s a dirty little secret women are keeping. According to PornHub data from 2019, 32% of their visitors are ladies…and apparently they’re searching “lesbian” the most. Sexxxy.

Relationships and Resolution

I realize that this is an assumption, but I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch. Couples are bored in the bedroom, especially those who have been together for awhile. Consider if you will – if you truly care for your partner but find yourself squeaking out solo-quickies to porn, why not marry the two (nice pun!)? Let the two worlds collide. No judgement, just exploration. Watch porn together, read erotica together. Be together. Grow together.